Home Articles Break Through To Freedom — The Masculine Journey

Break Through To Freedom — The Masculine Journey

Your Enemies are drown in the red sea, your are now free to move around the country, you’re free to feel God’s pleasure, to have fun, you just came through the 2nd largest Baptismal waters in history, (the largest being Noah and the boys). Do you think this has anything to do with zipper merging or roundabouts? Oh, there really isn’t much in life this doesn’t affect.

A fascinating word in the Bible is “hatch” In Genesis 7:11 When the springs were opened to start Noah’s flood experience, they “baqa” – hatched or were broken up same word. Again when Moses, (shown here) in Exodus 14:16 stretched his hand – oh, yes he lifted up the rod, but it was when he stretched out his hand the sea baqa – hatched, cleaved.

When you were born – hatched, the womb was cleaved the waters broke and out you came, free to move about the country. Check the word Strongs H1234 and see where all it’s used in Isaiah 34:5 It is literally some owl eggs hatching as in other places It’s breaking through walls. Yes it is a breakthrough a new birth, and don’t miss the Baptism concept here as being connected.

When you are born again and you go through the waters of Baptism, your enemies are drown in the red sea, if you believe it and you are free both from the law and Satan’s accusations and bondage. However learning to live in Freedom takes some time in the wilderness 40 days to 40 years, maybe 400. You see it only takes a moment to get the slaves out of Egypt but it takes so much longer to get Egypt out of the slaves. Me included for sure and each area of my life needs breakthrough, hatching. I have to bring it all especially the hidden stuff out under the blood and be separated from it so I can then have eyes to see my Savior’s path to Freedom.

Here is an example of some bringing out the dark places in my life…

Of all the ministries I am part of the one that has brought me closer to God and the life He promised is Masculine Journey Radio, based on John Eldridge’s Wild At Heart/Ransom Heart Ministries and their Bootcamps. Going after God’s heart realizing that our heart is a reflection of that as we are made in His image. That group for me is an Intimate safe place; a place of grace, the real thing. I really can be mask free and not judged, seem impossible, read on.

Sam one of the founders of our group was sharing a very deep dark struggle he was having and his counseling sessions he was undergoing. That night he shared how the counselor was attempting to integrate a young Sam with the older Sam. That the younger Sam was trapped by Satan in previous sin and agreements that Jesus could be brought into that and Sam could experience Isaiah 61’s promise of a bound up broken heart and be set free.

Sam had experienced Phenomenal break through by going after his younger self to see through the younger Sam’s eyes, their Jesus set him free from the lies and sin that held young Sam in bondage. As I listened to Sam a new hope sprung up in me, could Jesus do that for me and set me free from this overwhelming brokenness?

The very next morning as got up to pray and spend time with God, about 5am, I ask Him, “Jesus could you do that for me here where I struggle?”

“Yes”, He said, “let’s go back in your story and rescue younger Robby”

So I started going back to early times of sexual sin to try and find where it started and with each incident that flashed in mind, I would ask, “Jesus is this it?”

Except the one incident I kept flashing back to that I would dismiss before asking Jesus.

After the third time I finally said, “It’s not this one is it?”

“It is.” Jesus assured me

It was 1966 I was eleven years old, my parents were gone somewhere and a female relative was babysitting me. She told me I needed to take a bath and she would draw the water, there was something sensual in the offer. So when she had drawn the water she left the bathroom, I got in the tub and a few moments later she came back in totally naked. There was a big mirror directly across from the tub and she just stood there acting as if she was grooming herself. My young eyes got the whole picture of a woman’s body, top and bottom from front and back for a good 4 or 5 minutes and then she just walked out.

So now confronted with the incident the three of us, Jesus me and my younger self all seemed in real time. “Did you want to look?” Jesus asked with a kindness that is beyond any kindness I’ve experienced.

“Yes, with all my heart I wanted to look, I’m guilty, and she was my relative even worse”. I answered. My thoughts went to my agreement that this lust was something tragically flawed in me beyond repair.

Jesus, then holding out a plastic sort of credit card asked, “Robby, do you want your innocence card?”

Somehow I sensed that card returned my heart to an innocence, clean untarnished, purity. “No, no, Jesus I don’t deserve that I am guilty!”

Jesus offered me the card again, “Here take it.”

The offer was tremendous but the guilt overwhelmed it. “Jesus, you don’t understand, I’m guilty, I wanted to look with everything in me.”

Then Jesus offered up a thought that had never occurred to me. “Robby you were duped, corrupted by this girl who herself had been corrupted, she wanted you to look to lust after to her, she knew she was stealing your innocence, and Satan used both of you to defile yourselves. It wasn’t your fault.”

Like the scene in Goodwill Hunting with Robin William’s character telling Matt Damon’s character about his beatings, “It’s not your fault.” Hard, very hard to accept when for so long so very long I’ve believed it was all my fault, but no there were three on the stage that day, Satan the girl and me and I went into that bath different than I came out.”

Once again Jesus offered me the card.

Still, I told Jesus, “Ok, all that’s true but I still wanted to look, I am guilty.”

That’s when Jesus said the words that finally answered my prayers for trying to understand the great Puritan Author John Owens exhortation to get, “The deep cleansing of the blood of Christ”

Jesus said, “Robby, didn’t I pay enough!”

The tears of living water gushed as my heart realized so much more truth of the gospel, I took the card and truly have never masturbated since that morning now 5 years ago, not 5 minutes or five days. Something I believed was impossible. Yet still there was more healing and restoration Jesus had in mind.

Miraculously, and I do mean miraculously just two weeks after that morning our Masculine Journey team had a marriage retreat scheduled in Virginia.

Somehow I knew this retreat was ground zero, I would have to risk Tammy coming to know her actual husband not the mask or the one I had led her to believe I was.

Satan I believe knew it as well as a record snowstorm came that week and the retreat was almost cancelled, everyone driving up to Virginia in deeper snow than we are used to in North Carolina. The result was a Winter Wonderland very remote and intimate.

Several times through the sessions we were challenged to get our spouses off the pedestal and love them for who they really are. Encouraging us to make a safe place for our stories, the real story to be told. God was orchestrating my courage to build my faith in Him and Tammy. The burning question was; could I risk her knowing how despicable I could be?

We have Boot Camps in this ministry fashioned after John Eldredge Ransom Heart/Wild at Heart Boot Camps where God works mightily through what is called “Covenant of Silence”. You attend a session are given questions and then we covenant not to speak to anyone for an hour except God. We then go out in the woods find a good place to get alone with God and take our questions to Him. Very similar to my “Five Slama Jama Cat’s Pajama prayer.

On Sunday after the last session that weekend at the marriage retreat they sprung the idea of a “Joint Covenant of Silence” on us. Each couple was to go get alone with God and ask Him what we needed to share with our spouse that we had never shared.

Ahhhhhhh, the jig was up, I knew the whole weekend God had used to free me of my mask. See the mask was getting all the love from Tammy, as the real, Robby was starving for actual intimacy with a wife who actually loved me. She had to be told and every inch of me was terrified, my marriage my relationship with my kids, my work in Christian Radio everything from my point of view was being risked with this confession. “Would it be worth it?” I wondered reluctantly.

Overcome by God’s prompting I started in to the story of when I was eleven with the female relative and bath, Tammy listened intently. Then, “that look”, as I followed with my addiction to pornography and masturbation.

That look of tender care, yet devastation, and heart break, pain, rejection and worst of all betrayal at my hands. For that brief moment a sense of what Judas felt as he tried to fling away the thirty pieces of silver.

With courage from somewhere hard to know where I asked, “Could you ever forgive me?”

Her answer, “I don’t know how, but I’ll try, it will take some time”.

Five years later I can say with confidence I was in fact set free, God made a way to drown those Egyptian Slave Masters in the sea… You too can enjoy a good “Baqa”, ask God to help you!!!

A radio show designed to give men permission to be what God designed them to be-dangerous, passionate warriors for the Kingdom of God Listen in with Sam Main, Robby Dilmore, Jim Graham, Andy Thomas, Wayne Dozier, and Vinnie Mannino as they use movie clips and their stories to chronicle The Masculine Journey. Listen to new shows live: Masculine Journey @ The Truth Network
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